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LICENCE
TO THRILL
 Melanie
Henderson has a heart-stopping day out at Fife's
Knockhill race circuit.
My heart is not so much in my mouth as on the tip
of my tongue, ready to pop into my lap like a
half-sucked sweetie. My hands, which I have
recently placed in a perfect "ten to
two" position are roaming the wheel as if
attached to a hyperactive octopus. My knees are
not so much knocking as vibrating as hard as a
washing machine on its final spin cycle. I am
heading so fast for a corner that I am sure I
will be upside down revisiting my breakfast in
just a few tenths of a second.
But I don't think all this at the time. Later,
when my pulse has returned to something
approaching its average 74, I'll have space to
analyse the experience with such descriptive
licence. While strapped snugly into the Ford
Fiesta XR2 - which is mine for a whole five laps
of Fife's formidable Knockhill race circuit - the
only licence I'll be wondering about is my
driving one (ie how I managed to get it in the
first place). That's while I try to concentrate
solely on the voice in my left ear.
"POWER!" it yells. "Now, THIRD
gear, now FOURTH. Now BRAKE. HARD on the brakes,
HARD on the brakes! Aim for the cones, and POWER
out of the corner. FOLLOW that line. FOOT RIGHT
OFF THE CLUTCH! Steer INTO that corner. You've
got to point the car, it won't go there itself!
Now, POWER!" "Okay," I whimper, as
a blood curdling crunch comes from somewhere in
the back of the car.
"Don't worry about it," says my
fearless instructor Gordon Shedden. "That's
just the rev limiter kicking in."
"OKAY," I say and thump the throttle
with an aggression I did not know I possessed.
"Good, that's a perfect line through
there," says Gordon. "It's just like
join the dots, really." Oh that it were that
easy. Still, we somehow get back to the pits in
one piece.
"On the whole, a good drive", says
Gordon. "But you really have to be positive
with the steering and turn in at the right
time." My head swells momentarily - then I
realise it's Gordon's job to make everyone feel
they've achieved something even if, like me,
their greatest moment of sporting glory might
have already faded along with their last school
sack race.
"How do you feel?" asks Knockhill's PR
and communications manager Raymond Smith as I
step back onto terra firma, seeing dizzying
constellations rather than sensing my rapid rise
as a motor racing star. "Great," I say.
"Absolutely great." In fact, I feel
rather like the leftover jelly at a children's
party - but I know I've just had a very special
kind of thrill. A thrill you just don't get from
going on rollercoasters.
I'm taking part in the midweek racing drivers'
trial - at £89 a reasonable deal. Like the
others on the course, I'll be marked on my
abilities and will receive a certificate for my
efforts. I am fairly certain at this point,
however, that I will not be touching the
"driver of the day" trophy.
The package also includes the ultimate high of a
drive in a Formula First single seater. My little
chariot awaits at the front of the line, a
gorgeous red one. Great, I think, a
"mini-Ferrari." My dreams of the
podium, the National Anthem and champagne showers
are instantly renewed.
This is not the only kick on offer in Knockhill's
brochure, surely as tempting to speed freaks as
Easter is to chocaholics. There's a Tarmac Rally
Experience, an Ultimate Drivers Experience, a
25-lap performance driving course, and even an
E-Type Experience, which invites you to
"re-live the days of Graham Hill and Jackie
Stewart."
Whatever you opt for, you are assured your day
will "set your pulse racing," which
turns out to be a bit like saying that if you eat
a whole raw chilli your tongue may feel tingly.
"Some people really are quite nervous and
spend the first couple of laps going round at 40
miles an hour," says Raymond. "It is
quite daunting just finding your way round the
track. Most people say they're just starting to
get the feel of the car when they have to come
in. But what everyone gets is the chance to do
something that's totally different - the chance
to drive round a racing track. Not many people
get to do that.
"Driving a single seater car is a totally
new experience - the fact that you're lying right
back, that the steering is so direct…and
there's just that big thrill about it. Most
people do comment that they can hear their heart
thumping."
Indeed, I am about to find out that a Formula
First is to an XR2 what quantum physics is to the
times tables. Harder and infinitely scarier. But,
unlike the numbers game, the speed and the thrill
increase tenfold. As instructor Neil Hose has
informed us in the morning briefing session, the
Formula First is half the weight of the XR2 and
has twice the acceleration - all the statistics
needed to put a mile-wide grin on the face of
anyone who thinks they have a Schumacher trying
to get hold of their soul.
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