Holidays in Scotland

Example 1

This is the original text

Birthdays are just not birthday cakes and resolutions but also are sweet moments in everyone’s life to thank everyone who have had a hand in making you the person you are today! Whether you are celebrating your first birthday or the 100th, it gives you a sound reason to celebrate.

Aberdeen known for its shimmering skyline and oil flushed economy stands apart for its opulent venues and stunning locales that are tailored to make every event truly exceptional. A cracking menu well complimented by the finest drinks and a colorful night life makes this city a rocking party destination. There are many hotels and restaurants that pamper you with some of the best services and hospitality. Kick start the day with an enticing quad biking or clay shooting game; while the vast expanses of its pristine coastline are well equipped for all water sports, there are scores of golf clubs and nature spots for you to cocoon in nature’s lap.

Issues with text above:

• Meaning is unclear in many places. In sentence should Birthdays actually be "Birthday parties"?
• The sentences are long and difficult to follow
• Over use of adjectives - almost every noun is caped in an adjective.
• Unclear sentence structures: in the last sentence of paragraph 1 what does "it" refer to?
• Overuse of subclauses in sentences rather than breaking down into sentences
• Ornate or superlative words used to overstate the case.

A rewritten example might go:

Birthday parties are not just about birthday cakes and birthday resolutions. They are an occassion to thank friends and to share with your loved ones. Whether you are one or one hundred a birthday is still a great excuse for a party.

Aberdeen is known for shimmering skyline. Aberdeen with its oil-flushed local economy is becoming known for the quality of its venues with their fine menus and wines. The city night life is similarly benefiting from the money around the area...."